Short Stories

My wife appears out of nowhere The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere." Obituary A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'." How is a woman like an airplane? How is a woman like an airplane? -Both have cockpits.

Funeral The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town's preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa." . Fortune-telling In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer sitting across the table. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and as...

Beef Tongue A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?" "Beef tongue," replies the butcher. The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!" The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!" Secretary The Boss to a lady being interviewed for the post of a Secretary: Boss: "What is the difference between a paper clip and a screw?" Lady: "I don't know. I have never been paper clipped." Can you speak now? - Hello, darling! Can you speak now? - Yes I can. - Then listen...

Encounter with a Cop An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband know as soon as I get home." "That's fine! Oh, and another thing, ma'am. It seems one of the reins has looped across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. Have your husband take care of that right away also!" Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" "He said the reflector is broken." "I can fix that in two minutes. Anything else?" "I'm not sure, something about the Emergency Brake..." Keeping Secrets At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman,...