Did you try my advice?

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Funeral


The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town's preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."
.

Fortune-telling


In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer sitting across the table.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I get away with it?"

Did you try my advice?

A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough.

The doc says, "What happened?"

The woman replies, "Everytime my husband goes out and gets drunk on beer he beats me when he gets home."

The doc thinks for a minute and says, "I have a remedy for that... The next time your husband comes home drunk on beer just make yourself a glass of iced tea, and swish it around in your mouth until he goes to bed."

The woman goes home.

Two weeks later she returns to her doctor.

The doc says, "You look great, did you try my advice?"

The woman replies, "Yes i did, but how did you know it would work?"

He tells her "See what happens when you keep your mouth shut for a change?"

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